I feel like I'm just on this slippery slope down. To where? I don't know. It's like I can't bring a positive thought about anything, my mind cannot seem to focus on anything but the negative. Why can't I stop this? Even my close friends just seem to have given up..they just tell me I'm being negative and end the conversation..they just tell me to stop.
But if you saw my arms you'd know that I don't know how to. Good thing it's winter, it means long sleeves won't be that uncomfortable.
And I'm pretty sure I made things awkward..slash ruined them between me and one of my new closest friends. He'll probably never read this..and that's probably for the best. I have a major man crush on him, because he is everything I want to be, but never will be. He's confident, super talented (athletically, musically and academically, all three of which I have none of) and not to mention really good looking too. I look up to him a lot, even though he's two years younger than me. I'm lucky he came along when he did, because he's the only person who knows about what I cannot stop doing. To myself.
I'm just searching for a way out. But I really don't know how. I wish this wasn't so depressing..but it is. Outside I can only put on a smile for so long because one day I'll break completely. Maybe that's what needs to happen.
