Sunday, September 9, 2012

Figuring it Out..or a lack thereof

I don't want to be bitter, but sometimes I just don't know. I wish I truly fit in. I feel like a floater, that entertains and tries to make people laugh and smile..but finds it hard to attack the darkness that is within. There is a part of me that won't stop telling me I'm an awful person; that everyone just pretends to like me, that people just tell me lies to make me feel better..and in actuality I'm just crap.

I don't know why I get like this. I wish I didn't. But it's eating away at me, I can't stray away from the self-destructive thoughts.

Why am I so two-faced? How can I smile when inside all I do is tear myself apart..I pray for something to change but nothing has..I just keep losing more and more hope that one day I'll truly fit in and not hate myself anymore.

Seriously though..why do people even want to be friends with me. I'm not even worth it.

God, please help.